This past week has been an emotional rollercoaster ride that ended today with the biggest downhill turn that could have happened :(
Early last week we were told that "the team" was looking into placing the four children with the relative that popped up.
The next day we were told that the relatives only wanted two of the four children so they had been ruled out as a viable adoption resource. BUT that the foster home was "struggling" with what they wanted to do.
Next we were told that after speaking with the foster family that "the team" was told (by the foster family) that they did not want to pursue adoption of the four and that the baby would need to be moved from their home as well.
On Thursday we were told that we would be the only family included in a BIS (best interest staffing) that was tentatively scheduled for July 13. We were told that we needed to start preparing our home for the children (including building a room in the basement for Brooke). We were SO EXCITED!
I asked for reassurance from our worker that this was indeed going to happen (we've been through so much that I needed reassurance to move forward). She told us we were safe to move forward.
We started buying and preparing. Over last weekend we started tearing out the old walls, floors and ceilings in the basement in preparation for building Brooke's room. We began cleaning, organizing and gathering what we would need.
I had not heard from our worker this week at all....until this morning. This morning I discovered a late night e-mail from my worker that was titled "STOP buying things!". My heart dropped to my feet just reading that title. I opened the e-mail hoping that the e-mail was just our workers way of teasing me...but in my heart I knew it was bad news :( She had written that she was away from the office yesterday but that she had received an e-mail about the foster parents wanting to be considered again. She said that she would find out what was going on and get back to us.
A little before noon today our worker e-mailed us again saying that evidently "the team" had misinterpreted what the foster home had said last week and that the foster home was indeed interested in adopting the kids. My heart broke into a million pieces reading that e-mail.
It was mentioned that we may still be asked to be included in the BIS (with the foster home after their homestudy is complete) but we feel that we would just be prolonging the inevitable and we'd still not get the kids.
My heart just hurts. We've felt for four years now that we were meant to adopt again and have done everything we can do to find our child(ren) and we are back to square one again. I wrote to a friend that I wish I could just be done with all of this...but I know I can't/won't do that...I still have a feeling that our family is not complete yet...
