My Sons

As I wrote on facebook...I love spending my days with MY SONS!  It feels so weird but SO right to say those words.  As a foster mom I had the pleasure of being "Mommy" to some very special little boys that I loved dearly.  I secretly hoped that God would bless me with a son someday that I wouldn't have to worry about having to go through the heartbreak of letting go...and he has doubly blessed me. 

Settling In

We have spent our first couple of weeks settling into our new normal and bonding as a family.  Mike has taken a few weeks off of work so that the kids will bond with Mommy and Daddy equally.  Our first week, except for walks and playing in the backyard we didn't take the kids out in public until Saturday, we were all getting a little cabin fever so we headed to the mall and dinner.  Slowly we've been doing more as time progresses.

I think the bonding process is going very well.  The boys know already that we are Mommy and Daddy and come to us willingly for play, loves, help and comfort.  Of course the bonding process will go more quickly for them as they are dependent on us for pretty much their every need still.  For "A" the process will be longer but we are seeing progress already.  While she does talk about her birth parents/family and former foster parents a lot, she does call us Mommy and Daddy and calls our house home most of the time now.   "A" loves to have lots of attention and will take/give hugs and compliments willingly.

This past Monday we signed our adoption placement agreement and will be finalizing the adoption in the next few months hopefully.  Now we are working on getting schooling, therapies and services set up for the kids. 

We did also hear on Monday that baby brothers case plan has been changed to adoption so we may be hearing something soon about if he'll be coming here and if so when.

Some pics from the past couple of weeks...

Introducing Our Kids...

I can't believe we have FIVE kids! 

T - A - Brooke - Lexy - G

Lexy - G - Brooke - T - A

Bringing them HOME!

On Saturday morning Daddy, Mommy and Lexy (Brooke stayed home so she didn't have to miss school on Monday) headed out for our three hour drive to visit the kids again.  Our visit was from 11am to 6pm so we decided to take all the kids to a kids museum nearby.  After getting lost, eating lunch and then finding our way...the kids all had a great time!  On Sunday the kids spent the morning helping the foster mom pack up their belongings and then we had a short visit from 12pm-4pm.  We ate lunch (we even braved a sit down, wait for your food place instead of fast food!), played at a new park and then headed to Wal-Mart to pick up a few last minute things before taking the kids back for their last night at the foster home.

On Monday morning we headed over to the foster home to pack up the van with belongings and kids and we headed home!  After about 3 and 1/2 hours we got to show the kids their FOREVER home for the first time!!!

On facebook I wrote...
Our family is all in one house tonight (all SEVEN of us), it just feels right!! It will take awhile for all of us to adjust to our new normal but we are happier than words can say :)

Family Visit

We headed back down for our first family visit on Saturday.  Brooke and Lexy's first glimpse of their siblings was at the foster home.  We all sat and watched the little ones play in a little pool for a bit and then headed in for lunch together.  Brooke and Lexy didn't say too much at that point but they are both pretty quiet around new people and I think they were just taking everything in. :) 

After lunch we took the kids with us for a couple of hours.  There's not much to do in the small town we were in especially in the heat so after visiting a really bad park for about two minutes, we ended up at Wal-Mart where Brooke said we looked like a parade and swore that she wouldn't be going out in public with us much lol :)  But it did give the girls time to push around each of the two carts and get a chance to talk and play with all the kids.  We took the kids for dinner and then returned them to the foster home for the night.

On Sunday morning we picked up the kids at 10am for the day.  G couldn't get out the door fast enough and into Daddy's arms this morning!  It was extremely hot again but we braved a much better park until we were all sweaty.  After lunch we headed to our hotel where we went swimming in the (cold) pool.  After pool time we all layed down for naps.  I was very happy when all three kids felt comfortable enough to fall asleep with us.  Lexy and I went back to the pool during naptime while Daddy and Brooke stayed and napped :)  We had to finally wake the boys up after over two hours so that we could head out for dinner.  After this meal we resigned ourselves to the fact that eating out for our big family would always entail THREE tables and momma serving up the food buffet style but at least we knew we could do it!! :)  We returned the kids to the foster home about 6:45pm.  G cried as soon as we pulled into the driveway and we had to leave him crying with the foster parents :(

On Monday we picked the kids up again at 10am and headed to the same park as the day before...we love that park!  After playing for a while we headed for lunch...Brooke said "here comes the circus" as we walked in. :)  After lunch we returned the kids to the foster home, gave them each a stuffed animal that we had picked out for them and then headed for home.  G cried again.

A took to Brooke right away.  We knew she would because she is 5 going on 15 lol! but she did realize at the park that Lexy is more fun to play with!  She's got beautiful long hair that she's already asked Brooke to fix like hers!  She loves to be a helper but also needs to be reminded that she doesn't need to do the icky parenting stuff, she just gets to be a kid and have fun!  A is also learning quickly that what mommy says, mommy means.
G is definately attached to Daddy but loves to have any of us play, tickle or just smile at him.  He has the best smile and OH those dimples!  He is the most delayed in speech but he did say "Mommy" while we ate lunch the last day just to see if I would look his way and gave me the biggest smile when I did!  G doesn't like to have any other kids play in what he thinks of as his space and will throw a good fit if he's not ready to leave when we are.
T is the silly, cuddly, lovable one.  He likes to give kisses and hugs and say "Hi" to EVERY person that he goes by...Lexy says he would be a good Wal-Mart greeter when he grows up lol!!  He can also throw a good fit and is onery as all get out!  His giggle is so contagious!  The first night he learned a new word from me..."apple" and so we had apples with almost every meal and he would proudly hold up a piece and say "apple" to me and smile real big.

Brooke and Lexy have not stopped talking about the kids!  Both of them have said that they can't wait for them to move into our house.  I think we all feel the same way...they belong with us and we already love them so much!!

File Read & First Visit!

We headed down early Tuesday morning for our three hour drive to the adoption agency.  We spent FIVE HOURS in a tiny room reading through the kids' files, writing down any information that we thought we might need in the future or that the kids might someday want.  There were six thick files, we got totally through three and leafed through the other three.  There was a couple of surprises but nothing that would scare us away (although it might have someone else).  My eyes were exhausted!

At 3:30pm we headed to the foster family's house (30 min. away from the office) to meet the kids.  The foster mom had done an excellent job of preparing the kids (to the best little ones can be prepared for this) and all the kids were excited to see us.  We spent the next three hours playing with the kids and showing them the picture book and book with CD (with my voice) that we had brought for them.  We ate dinner with them and then played a little more before leaving to head home.  I think that the kids are doing well so far...T(2) loved to have Mike hold him and they would growl at each other and then laugh, G(3) took redirection from me very well when he was pinching a sibling and A(5) introduced us as her "adoption" mommy and daddy to a visitor to the house :)  A is VERY talkative and wants us to be talking or reading to her at all times.  Both boys are delayed so they aren't speaking much (that we can understand anyway) but they make up for it in movement...those two are busy, busy, busy!

A transition plan has been made.  The girls will join us for a weekend in the town that the kids are in this weekend.  We will stay in a hotel and visit the kids in the foster home first and then take them on our own during the day.  Then next weekend we will travel down to the town again to spend time with the kids while the foster mom packs their stuff up.  We will be bringing the kids home with us on the 10th.

I think I'm still in shock that this is really happening :)

Lexy and Brooke each wrote a letter to the kids and we mailed it last night in hopes that it will make it there before we see them this weekend.

Mike said last night at (our) bedtime "in a couple of weeks bedtime won't be this peaceful"...I said "no in a couple of weeks bedtime will be the ONLY peaceful time".  But we wouldn't have it any other way :)

Awww

I talked on the phone with the foster mom tonight for about an hour.  We made plans for tomorrow afternoon and she shared some more information with me about the kids.  At one point our youngest (T-2) came into the room with foster mom so she put him on the phone.  I could hear her telling him things to say but couldn't really understand him until she told him to tell me that he loved me....at that point I heard the sweetest little "lub you" that I think I've ever heard :)

Foster mom also e-mailed a new picture of all three kids to me...they are SO cute!!!

SO EXCITED...so nervous!!!

We got word yesterday that we got SRS approval and we will be going for the file read and to meet the kids tomorrow!!!  We will talk about next steps tomorrow but it looks as though hopefully the kids will be moving in two weeks.

I am so excited for this to FINALLY be happening!  I do still have that little bit of anxiety that something will go wrong but it's because of past losses not because of anything related to this case.  Everything with this case just seems to be falling into place...just as it is supposed to when it is meant to be! :)

I never dreamed that I'd be as nervous as I am to meet the kids.  I lay awake at night and I have a knot in my stomach all day.  But I know that I already love those three babies with all my heart!  I'm sad that they'll have to grieve the loss of their foster family and the life they have settled into with them.  I am truly grateful for that foster family though because they have loved and helped our kids in so many ways until they could be with us!  Our goal will be to make the transition as smooth and positive as possible for everyone involved. 

I can't believe I'll be Mommy to three more kids!!!  My kids will be B-16, L-8, A-5, G-3 and T-2 :)

Adoption Update

It looks as though the issues have been resolved...some of the mountains have been moved!!  We received one approval last Friday (one that we were REALLY worried about) and we are now waiting for SRS approval (evidently they are behind) so that we can go to read the file and meet the kids.  Hopefully that will happen sometime next week and then next weekend all of us will go to the town where the kids are for the weekend to spend time with them.

The foster family has removed the Aug. 27th deadline for a move so that the kids won't have to go to another foster home before coming here.  I just hope that things start speeding up before they decide that they can't keep them any longer.  I SO appreciate that the foster family is putting the kids' needs before their own. 

I haven't been able to stop myself from starting to pick up small things here and there for the kids but I have held off buying anything big.  I can't wait to start making those bigger purchases!  I even have a magazine marked with Christmas ideas :) 

Adoption Update

We were chosen as the kids' family.

BUT

There are some issues that have arisen that need to be figured out/taken care of...and it has to happen fast since the kids need to be moved from their foster home by Aug. 27th.  There is nothing that we can do to help figure out or take care of these issues and unfortunately we are still at risk of not getting the kids. :(

We have done and are doing everything on our end to make this happen but only God knows if this is meant to be.  We are staying positive and praying that if these are our kids that mountains will be moved to make it happen quickly.

Adoption Update

We got the phone number and permission to call the current foster home to talk with the foster mom more about the kids, get sizes and ask any other questions we had.  I made the call last night and she and I spent over an hour chatting about the kids.  She was so sweet and kept saying that she will miss the kids dearly but that she thinks that we will be the perfect family for them :)

We are starting to really get excited but are still cautious that something could go wrong.  We can't wait to have them in our home so that we can fully enjoy them without worrying!

I did make my first purchase for them today, a few new books to add to our collection that I thought they would like :)

Adoption Update

I kind of hate to even post this for fear that somehow it will jinx us but...

We have been presented with another sibling group (g-5, b-3, b-2) with our agency. 

About a week and a half ago we were sent the profile, along with these three there is a newborn sibling that we will need to be open to taking if his case goes that way.  Last Tuesday I had a phone conference with the current foster mom (they are not an adoptive resource) to find out more about the kids.  On Thursday we received a picture and sent in our official "we are interested" e-mail.  On Friday a BIS (best interest staffing) date was set for Aug. 9.

We are the only family being considered.  The kids need to move more quickly than usual so there won't be a transition plan. 

We are excited for the possiblity but very cautious of really believeing that this could be happening finally!

We do still have two sibling groups with another agency that we have our homestudy in on but a BIS hasn't been scheduled for either of those yet so we are not withdrawing on those yet and just letting things work out how they are supposed to.

Adoption Update

This past week has been an emotional rollercoaster ride that ended today with the biggest downhill turn that could have happened :(

Early last week we were told that "the team" was looking into placing the four children with the relative that popped up.

The next day we were told that the relatives only wanted two of the four children so they had been ruled out as a viable adoption resource.  BUT that the foster home was "struggling" with what they wanted to do.

Next we were told that after speaking with the foster family that "the team" was told (by the foster family) that they did not want to pursue adoption of the four and that the baby would need to be moved from their home as well.

On Thursday we were told that we would be the only family included in a BIS (best interest staffing) that was tentatively scheduled for July 13.  We were told that we needed to start preparing our home for the children (including building a room in the basement for Brooke).  We were SO EXCITED!

I asked for reassurance from our worker that this was indeed going to happen (we've been through so much that I needed reassurance to move forward).  She told us we were safe to move forward.

We started buying and preparing.  Over last weekend we started tearing out the old walls, floors and ceilings in the basement in preparation for building Brooke's room.  We began cleaning, organizing and gathering what we would need.

I had not heard from our worker this week at all....until this morning.  This morning I discovered a late night e-mail from my worker that was titled "STOP buying things!".  My heart dropped to my feet just reading that title.  I opened the e-mail hoping that the e-mail was just our workers way of teasing me...but in my heart I knew it was bad news :(  She had written that she was away from the office yesterday but that she had received an e-mail about the foster parents wanting to be considered again.  She said that she would find out what was going on and get back to us.

A little before noon today our worker e-mailed us again saying that evidently "the team" had misinterpreted what the foster home had said last week and that the foster home was indeed interested in adopting the kids.  My heart broke into a million pieces reading that e-mail.

It was mentioned that we may still be asked to be included in the BIS (with the foster home after their homestudy is complete) but we feel that we would just be prolonging the inevitable and we'd still not get the kids.

My heart just hurts.  We've felt for four years now that we were meant to adopt again and have done everything we can do to find our child(ren) and we are back to square one again.  I wrote to a friend that I wish I could just be done with all of this...but I know I can't/won't do that...I still have a feeling that our family is not complete yet...

Adoption Update

1.) Sib set of 5 (g-4, g-3, b-2, b-1, b-2 mos) - PRT set for May- May 29th PRT date.  Today the adoption team asked for our information to review.  A phone conference will be set for May 30 or 31.  At this time we are still the only family interested if foster family doesn't change their mind.
2.) Sib set of 3 (b-3, g-2, g-almost 1) - PRT happening soon - PRT set for May 10.  Friends of the foster family are interested in adoption...not sure if other families will be looked at or not.
3.) Single child (g-3) - PRT set for April - PRT sched. for April 30, have not heard outcome.  Sounds like several families interested.
4.) Single child (g-1.5) - PRT happening soon
5.) Single child (b-4 mos) - PRT set for end of April

PRT (parental rights terminated) - after this happens it takes 4-8 weeks to get back the JE (court journal entry) and then a BIS (best interest staffing to choose a family) is set. **We were told that the BIS can now be scheduled before the JE is rec'd so hopefully that will speed up the process!

Adoption Update

Here is our current list.  Some of the others have foster parents/relatives that are now interested or had needs that were beyond our comfort zone. 

1.) Sib set of 5 (g-4, g-3, b-2, b-1, b-2 mos) - PRT set for May
2.) Sib set of 3 (b-3, g-2, g-almost 1) - PRT happening soon
3.) Single child (g-3) - PRT set for April
4.) Single child (g-1.5) - PRT happening soon
5.) Single child (b-4 mos) - PRT set for end of April

PRT (parental rights terminated) - after this happens it takes 4-8 weeks to get back the JE (court journal entry) and then a BIS (best interest staffing to choose a family) is set. **We were told that the BIS can now be scheduled before the JE is rec'd so hopefully that will speed up the process!

We were at first told that the Sib set of 5 was not going to be available due to the current foster home considering parenting all of them.  After being told that we were inquiring, the foster family said that they were glad b/c they feel that there needs to be a father figure.  We were asked at the end of last week to think about it over the weekend and figure out housing, finances, meeting needs, etc. for five more little ones.  After much thought we have decided to go forward with this.  We are still concerned that the foster family may get more attached before TPR (May 29th) and decide that they can't let them go or that there will be an appeal after TPR but we are trying to stay positive.

We will still look into the other children as well as they become available and decide what our hearts are telling us we should do.

Adoption Update

We had planned on being busy during spring break transitioning the three kids into our home.  After being told that wouldn't be happening we were at a loss, we had made absolutely no other plans.  We were in shock but we knew that getting away to regroup and reconnect would probably be the best thing for our family.  So we headed to St. Louis for the week.  The time away did our family good.  We had time to grieve the failed adoption and realize that we all still feel that we are meant to add to our family through adoption.  So while we feel vulnerable and sad, we will push thru the pain to continue looking for "our kid(s)".

While we were away our adoption worker had a meeting where they discussed all the kiddos that are coming up for adoption in the next few months.  By the time we got back she had filled our e-mail with profiles.

We took the weekend to review all the new profiles.  Some were out of our age range...while we have discussed adopting older children later on it is just not right for our family right now.  When we narrowed it down, this is what we have...

1.) Sib set of 3 (g-5, g-4, g-2) - PRT complete, JE rec'd
2.) Sib set of 3 (b-3, g-2, g-almost 1) - PRT happening soon.
3.) Sib set of 5 (g-4, g-3, b-2, b-1, b-2 mos) - PRT set for May
4.) Single child (b-4 mos) - PRT set for end of April
5.) Single child (g-3) - PRT set for April
6.) Single child (g-1.5) - PRT happening soon
7.) Single child (g-5) - PRT complete
8.) Single child (b-1.5)  - PRT complete

PRT (parental rights terminated) - after this happens it takes 4-8 weeks to get back the JE (court journal entry) and then a BIS (best interest staffing to choose a family) is set.

Each sib set/single child has different special needs/issues that we are getting more information about.  We have felt all along that we are meant to provide a family/home for a child(ren) that are harder to place so we have told our worker that if any of the above situations have an overwhelming amount of families interested that we would not submit our homestudy.

We are hopeful that we are getting close to finding "our kid(s)". :-)

No Kids

The judge's decision was to leave the kids where they are.  We are back to square one AGAIN :(  My gut instinct all week was that the kids were coming here....I'm in shock.  Hopefully someday we'll know why we were made to endure all this heartbreak.  For now we will enjoy spring break and then we move on in the search for our kids.

Adoption Update

We were told that the judge was to announce his decision by noon today.

Right before 2pm we got an e-mail forwarded from our worker that said that the judge has postponed announcing his decision until March 16 at 9am.

I'm speechless.

What's ONE MORE WEEK!

Found out on Tuesday afternoon that we were not the chosen family for the two girls. :(  We weren't given a reason why just that all three families were great and they had a hard time deciding.

When our worker called to tell us that news she also said that she would be calling on Wednesday as soon as she found out the results of court on the three kids.  She said it would probably be afternoon before she called so even though I was beside myself with nervousness all morning I didn't really worry that she hadn't called.  At 5pm she still hadn't called so I left a message on her office voicemail.  She still hadn't called at 6pm so I left a message on her personal cell phone.  At 9pm I just couldn't handle the stress anymore and I went to bed, only to wake up every hour all night long. :(

I thought for sure I'd hear from our worker first thing this morning but by 10 am l was leaving another message begging for her to "please just call with an update".  A little after NOON she finally called.  First words were "I wasn't ignoring you, the kids worker forgot to call me so I had to track her down today".  WHATEVER!!! 

So there is still no decision.  Yesterday (all day) was spent hearing testimony again.  Closing arguments will be on Monday, March 5th.  Then on Friday, March 9th the judge will announce his decision. 

I really have no words...ok so I do...sad, mad, emotional, worried, confused.  I want to scream.  I want to cry.  I want to pull my hair out.  I want to punch something.  But most of all I WANT TO KNOW THE DECISION ALREADY!  Except that even if the judge rules in our favor we are not sure if an appeal could be next or what that would mean for us.  UGH, sometimes I just want to move on but something keeps us holding on and waiting...

My mantra for the week...

My hope is that we will know by the end of this week who our next children will be.  We have a staffing tomorrow for two little girls and then the court date (hopefully the last) will be on Wed. for the three kids.  Praying for peace for whatever the outcome is...whatever's meant to be will be.