More Questions

More hard adoption questions asked and answered before bed last night.  I think looking at pictures earlier during the day spurred on last nights questions.

Earlier in the day...

(looking at baby pictures of Lexy)
L - "Can I see a picture of when I was a first born baby?"
Me - "I'm sorry I don't have any, remember you came to us when you were 4 months old so we don't have any pictures of when you were a newborn."
L - "Oh ok."

Later last night (Lexy couldn't get to sleep and for the first time in months was really worked up and told me "I'm mad or upset about something but I don't know what") she was sitting on my lap and asked...

L - "Do you know my birthmom?"
Me - "Yes I know who she is"
L - "What is her name?"
Me - "____ is her name"
L - "Oh (with a smile), do you know where she lives?"
Me - "I don't know where she's living right now but I think she lives somewhere in our state"
L - "Do you know her phone number?"
Me - "No I'm sorry I don't"
L - "Did my birthmom give me a different name?"
Me - "Yes she gave you the name ____ and we changed it when you were adopted"
L - "Did I have a different last name?"
Me - "Yes it was _____"
L - "ok"

The conversation ended and Lexy asked me to lay in bed with her and rub her back until she got to sleep.  Afterwards I went into the bathroom and had a good cry.  Not in sadness for myself but in sadness for my wonderful daughter that has to deal with these hard emotions and have these questions.  At one time Lexy told me that she wished she could have just been in my tummy...

I wish that too.