I am just plain tired, exhausted and run down both physically and mentally!
I knew that when we chose to stop fostering that it would be tough on me, this has been a huge part of my identity for eight years. But I wasn't ready for the overwhelming feelings it has brought on, especially when I hear of a little one coming into foster care that we would have taken. I feel that because we stopped fostering that we not only closed that door but that we closed the door to adopting again. One of the reasons we stopped fostering was to explore other avenues that we had been putting on the back burner but we can't really start exploring those things until we have some extra money for a home study, etc....and we won't have that extra money until I find a part time job...and those are not easy to come by right now. And I'm lonely not having anyone at home during the day to take care of and I'm overwhelmed with my to do lists and worried about money and not thrilled that I'll be closer to 40 than 30 by the end of the month!
Are YOU exhausted yet???
So I've decided to start working in small steps each day towards some of the goals that I want to accomplish b/c the big picture is too big and distant right now...
On Friday I e-mailed a local foster agency that has a seperate adoption unit to find out some information on them and if they had a need for possible adoptive parents for an infant or infant with sibling.
Over the weekend we had our garage sale on Sat. (Friday it rained) and made enough for car tags/taxes and a little extra for Brooke and I to have fun at a craft fair yesterday...one Christmas present down (retail therapy is good)!
I've started walking several times a week (thanks Robin & Shilah!) to help keep my mind in a better place and to hopefully shed a few of these very unwanted pounds.
I'm in the process of cleaning out all the foster paperwork (already 3 garbage bags full) in my cabinet...kind of a cleansing, getting myself ready for the next step activity.
I'm organizing my paperwork, desk, calendar, mind, etc. so that I'm looking ahead and focusing on what I do want and can quickly find information as to not miss an opportunity that puts me a step closer to a goal.
Since I missed doing Focus Friday, my goals for this week are...
1.) Take pictures and post the leftover garage sale items on Craigslist to get it out of my house and make some extra money.
2.) Continue to organize and walk.
3.) Spend some time looking for a part time job.
4.) Enjoy Mike's birthday and spend quality time with my family.