I've had adoption on my mind a lot lately. One of the things that I think about is that the next child(ren) that join our family may (or may not) have a different "story" of their time before they came to us. In Lexy's case it makes me sad that we don't have a sweet "she loved you so much that she wanted you to have a better life" story to tell her. It makes it more difficult to discuss adoption when the story is not all rainbows and unicorns. I want to try to spare feelings but not sugar-coat so much that Lexy one day thinks that we "took" her from a wonderful fabulous person and situation...because that's not the truth.
It's taken me a long time to come to terms with the emotions and events that surrounded the first few years of Lexy's life. With Lexy's 6th birthday coming up next week, I'd like to take the opportunity to write a therapeutic letter to her birth mom...
Dear Birth Mom,
Thank you for the MOST precious gift that I have ever received from another person. Without you I wouldn't have my smart, beautiful and funny daughter...you will always hold a special place in my heart because of that.
I have been blessed with cuddling, kissing, healing hurts, having that special bond and watching Lexy grow from a tiny four month old to a wonderful almost six year old. I truly appreciate that you chose to give birth and raise Lexy for those first four months until she came to us. I'm thankful for the knowledge that you loved Lexy as best you could at the time.
Your life circumstances and choices make it impossible for you to parent a child and I'm glad that you came to that realization when you chose not to appeal the court's decision to terminate your rights and allow us to adopt Lexy. I only wish you could have seen the pain you were causing sooner.
As I told you at our good bye visit, Lexy will know about you in an age appropriate manner. We will never hide the fact that she was adopted or that you exist. She will know the truth and will be able to form her own opinions. We will be here to help her understand and answer any questions that she may have.