I was feeling pretty blue today about this change in our life, questioning myself if we had made the right decision. By chance, a movie that is very dear to my heart came on while we were lounging around the house this morning. The movie is called "Losing Isaiah". I've watched this movie many times and while it tugged at my heartstrings before losing "our Isaiah", now it brings back so many memories, so many feelings, so much emotion about his case in particular but also about our entire foster journey. After watching the movie today I realize that we are making the right decision for our family at this time. We know without a doubt that we can love a child not of our own flesh & blood, we've done it many many times...it's the losing them that has not gotten any easier.
This decision leaves me with so many mixed emotions...
- I'm worried that we won't be helping any other children in need thru foster care...I've always said "if not us, then who"
- I'm sad that I won't be loving and holding a sweet little foster baby again
- I'm happy that we will no longer have multiple workers coming thru our home each week, we won't have to pick up the pieces after our foster babies family visits, we won't have to get permission for vacations and hair cuts, we won't be on the roller coaster of emotions that foster care puts us on
- I'm excited to be able to live our life and make our own decisions. Not waiting around for someone else to make decisions for us.
- I'm scared that my purpose in life is now going to have to be found again. For as long as I can remember I knew that I wanted to be a foster parent, I knew that's what my calling was...now what?
- I'm hopeful for what the future holds. I can't wait to see what's in store for our family. We have some things to think, pray and talk about before making decisions...
but it's so nice to be moving forward!
4 comments:
Good luck as you figure out what your new purpose is!
We will be fostering in the future, after we adopt. The way our agency is you have to do one of the other...so stupid. I wish we could be fostering right now but you have to either be strictly searching to adopt or fostering. So we'll wait.
Your gave wonderful service for 8 years, which is more than most do it. I admire and applaud you. Having some peace and focusing on your own children will be a good thing for you. Don't worry, you will stil find opportunities to help children. They will fall into your lap, because of the vacuum created by stopping foster care. They will be the right opportunities, and you will be able to say no, in fact I find I needed to learn how to say no. We can't help everyone, and sometimes we shouldn't.
Your purpose will show itself, just give yourself permission to be just you. Also, you may find it right to foster again at a different season of your life. You could also look into private agencies when you do decide to do it again, or something different like respite care.
I am a caregiver for a 68 year old lady, and also cared for my parents and stepfather in my home at the end of their lives. I also have a 21 year old autistic young man living with us right now. He is high functioning and hyperverbal and having him here when I work has been great for Donna. He is really proud of himself, having a purpose, plus he is in a better atmosphere than with his parents.
You made the right choice.
I can so relate to this. We are most likely giving up our foster license once our last 3 are adopted (barring any complications). I have mixed feelings about it. I definitely am ready to be done with the roller coaster & DCS with their rules and polices that they themselves don't follow.. But I am not ready to give up getting that new foster baby and having the chance to love them and watch them grow.
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